"When dawn spreads its paintbrush on the plain, spilling purple... ," Songs of the Pioneers song from TV show "Wagon Train." Dawn on the mythic Santa Fe Trail, New Mexico, looking toward Raton from Cimarron. -- Clarkphoto. A curmudgeon's old-fashioned newspaper column, cross-breeding metaphors and journalism and art, for readers in 150 countries.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Conversation with God's bartender

"Is it happy hour yet?"
"It's always happy hour at this bar."

"Now that's my idea of heaven."
"It is."

"What?"
"Heaven."
Huh? 
"Heaven. Didn't you see the sign outside when you came in?"
"You mean 'God's place'?"
"Yeah
"I thought it was just a come on, so if your wife called, you could tell her you were at 'God's Place."
"You see any telephones?"
"No. Uh…does that mean I'm, like, uh...…"

"You need a drink. What'll it be?"
"A light beer…"

"We don't serve light beer up here. It's sinful. "
"I don't have much money on me… ."
"Don't need it up here. Matter of fact, it's outlawed…."
"So all the drinks are on the house."
"Well,  'house' doesn't quite describe it, but…don't worry about the tab."

"Well, I'll be damned…."
"No, you're not, or you wouldn't be here."

"Anything?"
"Yes, I always recommend a stiff one for the first drink.". 

"So I'm dead?"
"No, you're alive. Now what will it be?"

"Ok, Ok, how about the best Scotch in the world, a double, on the rocks."
"Can do, but forget about 'the world' part. Here you go, best in all creation. Bottoms up."

"What about my wife…won't she be sad?"
"We thought so, but the last time we checked, she was smiling, heading for the bank."
"I think I need another one."
"Of course, that's what happy hour is all about, for eternity."

"Always happy hour huh?"
"Didn't you ever read about 'I am that I am'?"
"Yeah, so?"
"That means there's no time up here, so it's always happy hour, or any other hour for that matter."
"I'll drink to that."
"Sure, what'll it be?"

"Say, my wife sort of frowns on this., What if she comes up here and finds me here?"
"There's only happiness in heaven, and from what I've heard, you don't need to worry about her coming up here."

"Hell of a deal."
"Yes, it is."









1 comment: