"When dawn spreads its paintbrush on the plain, spilling purple... ," Songs of the Pioneers song from TV show "Wagon Train." Dawn on the mythic Santa Fe Trail, New Mexico, looking toward Raton from Cimarron. -- Clarkphoto. A curmudgeon's old-fashioned newspaper column, cross-breeding metaphors and journalism and art, for readers in 150 countries.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

My teeth don't itch...travels 'n time

You can tell the age of a traveler by the contents of what we used to call the "overnight bag," or "vanity case" or "toiletry bag."
Of course today, we put all that stuff in a clear plastic bag so airport guards can tell we're not terrorists, but the principle is the same.
When you were younger, as a male, you had a black toiletry bag. In it, you tossed a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, a razor, a can of shaving cream, a brush and comb, and maybe after shave lotion or hair gel. A small bottle of shampoo. That was it. Well, maybe nail clippers.
But as you grew older, you start having to add a few things. When you get to my age, you're thankful for the large resealable plastic bags. On short trips, that bag has more items in it than clothes in your satchel.
As you age, I think you probably first added some pain pills, like aspirin or ibuprofen. And perhaps athlete's foot cream. Pretty soon, you added mouthwash. And eye drops. Within a few years, you probably added some talcum powder... plus small bars of soap. Skin moisturizer. Contact solution.
Eventually, prescription medicines joined the collection--blood pressure, cholesterol, diuretics.
Sooner or later and gradually, you started adding more over-the-counter stuff. Cold and allergy pills. There was probably some anti-itch cream tossed in. Other salves came along, like creams for eczema, Peptobismol tablets, anti-diarrhea pills. Anti-acid tabs, anti-snoring pills. Salve for hemorrhoids.
I got a real "taste" of this recently when I got up early for a meeting. I'd left my bulging bag of stuff--I know of no other word for it--out  the night before, with some tubes out on the bathroom counter.
It was early, and I didn't bother turning on the lights because because I was still half asleep. The light from the window was fine.
After applying some salve elsewhere, I picked up my toothbrush, grabbed the nearest tube of what looked like toothpaste, and squeezed some on the brush.
When I turned on the faucet and began brushing my teeth, I thought it didn't taste like toothpaste, so I turned on the lights. Apparently I'd switched the hemorrhoid medicine and my toothpaste.
At least my teeth didn't itch that day. 
No need to tell you the other results, is there?



3 comments:

  1. wow, you are a well-organized traveller.

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  2. Oh dear I can't imagine what hemorrhoid medicine tastes but it can't be too good.
    Merle.................

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  3. So your bum is whiter and brighter and minty fresh? LOL
    I don't laugh at you ... I laugh with you .......

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