Administrators' guide to kill creativity

This is an adaptation  from last year, now that I'll be attending the Oklahoma Creativity Forum tomorrow in Norman to try to learn how to help protect Oklahoma from creativity.

http://stateofcreativity.com/events/okcf/

Calling all idea police: Our state is facing a insidious threat to its stability and conservative, God-fearing, status-quo lifestyle.

We must prepare to challenge and defeat these liberal-socialist ideas and thoughts from beyond our borders, which will be bigger threats than terrorism or homosexuality. Based on my many years of experience as an administrator in higher education, I believe I'm called by God and Sally Kern to provide some proven guidelines for other administrators  on how to squelch creativity. These should be memorized by all  idea police as we mobilize to protect our state from creativity.

Administrators' Creativity Squelching Checklist

• Call lots of long meetings that bore people to death, sapping any creative energy people have with trivia, wasting time that could be spent creatively, and accomplish nothing but bolster your authority.
• Make sure every person has multiple committee jobs that require paperwork and is saddled with several reports on things like strategic planning and program evaluations.
• Demand that all ideas be presented to you first, on the "Permission to Have a New Idea" form. (Sample  of page 1 of 10-page form attached at bottom of this list). Form must be signed by all people involved or affected.
• Remember, it's always more important to have a slogan, changed often, rather than any substance.
• Applicant must  demonstrate on appropriate form how New Idea fits a prescribed list of objectives attached to  the current slogan.
• When presented with the form, ask them if they've filled out the necessary budgetary, personnel, travel, facilities, and other paperwork. Demand those be returned by the end of the day.
• "They can be found on the website," will saddle them searching the web the rest of the day so they'll miss the deadline.
• If they do turn in the forms, tell them they've filled out the wrong ones, because they were changed yesterday.
• Assign their idea to the New Idea Committee for approval, and tell them it only meets once a month. Next meeting will be three weeks from now.
• In talking to them, use lots of obscure acronyms--the ones nobody knows. These confuse, irritate and depress them. It makes them look ignorant and you "in the know." Meanwhile, creativity begins to wither in the barrage of nonsense. Hint: best examples are from the U.S. military and higher education.   
• Insist that they also fill out all the seven-category rubrics for evaluation of the New Idea.(Appendix one to the Permission to Have a New Idea form).
• If they question you, or disagree, accuse them of insubordination.  Refuse to sign their form. Start figuring out how to make their job harder so they won't have time to have any ideas (Remember, there is no statute of limitations on getting even). Assign them to at least one more committee immediately, telling them how essential their experience is.
• If they somehow manage to accomplish all the paperwork for a New Idea, assure them you'll look at it sometime this week, and lose the form in the clutter on your desk. The first time they call about it, tell them you're "working on it." The next time, tell them you  fought for it, but the higher ups, "they," didn't. Tell them to try again next year. Then ask them if they've filled out all the reports from their committee work and tell them they're due today.
• Be very suspicious of people from different cubicles talking together, or to other administrators.  Such conversations are breeding grounds for creativity. Insist on following a "chain of command." Don't let anyone talk to others without your approval. Make them fill out the "Permission to Talk to Others Form" (Find it on our special Squelching Creativity website).
• If all else fails, just make up a policy that forbids the New Idea ("It's somewhere on the website"). 
• Other sure-fire ways to squelch creativity: "We tried that once years ago. Didn't work." Or, "We've never done that before."

APPENDIX

Permission To Have a New Idea Form--page 1 of 10

• Name________________________________ 
• Qualifications to Have  a New Idea (no more than 5 pages):
• New Idea (no more than 5 words):
• Benefits of New Idea (no more than 5 words):
• Potential dangers of New Idea. Make sure to explain how New Idea won't harm Oklahoma, and the guarantees for that. Are there any proven antidotes? (At least 10 pages):
• How will the New Idea make your supervisor look good?
• Review of literature supporting New Idea with APA style citations (at least 5 pages):
• Statistical analysis of effects of New Idea including Chi Squares, ANOVA and Likert scales (at least 5 pages):
• Bibliography  (Warning: You may use only Oklahoma sources):
• List of all people potentially affected by New Idea (include all e-mails):
• Be sure and fill out the next nine pages, signed and approved by every person potentially affected by the New Idea.
• Power point presentation on New Idea must be completed, with lots of small hard-to-read fancy type, bright colors and graphics. Get IT's approval. Be prepared to read every word of each slide  at presentation to New Idea Committee (Power point will probably not work, so be prepared to read entire document anyway).
• (This year's organizational slogan goes here, and on every page)

Clark Boys Reunion at Heaven's Bar

"Where the hell have you been, Mike?"
"Not hell, not Oklahoma--earth. You ought to know, Terrence you left me there, long time ago."
"Time slips away from us up here. Don't know what you mean. Seems like we've been waiting for you for eternity."

"All four of you left. You could be a little more welcoming...it got lonely down there, especially the last year.... What are you drinking Champ?"
"Everything...no drink limit up here, infinite mixes. Margaritas are better than in Juarez. Matter of fact, everything is better than Juarez."
"That's hard to believe...what about the shaves and food and you know, the girls...."
"Still the bachelor, aren't you, Mike? No girls, but, let me tell you about this bar...."

"Rex, it sure it sure is to see that smile again. Last time I saw you in that hospital, you weren't smiling, but I remember you told me to live every day...."
""No, I wasn't but I got well just like that. Amazing. Now we sit around this bar all day telling stories."

"What are you drinking, Louis?"
"White Russian, naturally, with all that raw cow's milk I milk every day. This is heaven for health food folks. "
"Some things don't change, do they?"

"Not up here, Mike. Say, how's Santa Fe?"
"Too much traffic, just like Taos. You wouldn't recognize it, Terrence, except those leather chairs are still there in the lobby at La Fonda."
"How's the leg, Terrence?"
"Fine. Never have to change stump socks, no itching. All I have to do is sit around and drink and draw portraits. Don't even have to sharpen my pencils. Just can't get the Big Guy to sit still for one."

"What drink do you recommend, Rex?"
"Isn't your favorite Cuba Libre? Ain't ever tasted one like this, not even when you were in the Navy in the Caribbean. Let's get you several."

"Last time I had a rum and coke was with Terry, Terrence. He's still too up tight, but he's trying. Said he missed not ever getting to drink with you."
"He'll get his chance...just not yet."

"Ok, guys, I 've been waiting  to hear the old stories all over again--Comanche, family, New Mexico, the war, it all. This is  one hell of a reunion."
"No, Mike. It's a heaven of a reunion."

Dr. Terry Clark: A Memory in the Arts I Can't Forget

Dr. Terry Clark: A Memory in the Arts I Can't Forget

Home is the sailor, home from the sea

Rest in Peace, Sailor

Michael Henry Clark

Sept. 4, 1922

Comanche, Oklahoma

Oct. 24, 2011

Walsenburg, Colorado

The last of the five Clark boys--Terrence Miller, Lewis Watts, Rex Thweatt, Mike, Champ

Stories and photos to come soon of this world traveler and my favorite, most influential uncle. I talked to him this afternoon. He died as he was going to bed tonight, after watching the World Series.

Mike with Susan and I at La Fonda in Santa Fe

Seven years ago, he was our best man at our wedding in Santa Fe. He will be buried in the National Cemetery at Santa Fe, N.M., across the road from his longtime apartment that he moved out of 50 weeks ago. Now he'll hear taps again every night, and the bells of St. Francis cathedral.

"Home is the sailor, home from the sea"

I miss you already, Uncle Mike

--Terry Michael Clark

Okies at Heaven's Bar

"Who's that guy in the overalls, down at the end of the bar?"
"Oh, that's Henry Bellmon."
"I thought you said there weren't many politicians up here?"
"Right, but Bellmon was so honest, with himself and others, he was never in doubt. God likes his plain speaking, so unlike most politicians."

"Say, I need another drink, What's the speciality of the house?"
"God's own cocktail, The Holy Spirit."
"Oh yeah, I'll have a double."
"One at a time is all you can say grace over, believe me."

"Bellmon was from Oklahoma. Hard to believe. Any other Okies up here?"
"Lots of them, because so many of them suffered so much--"red state" to the contrary--you know, a poor state, redskins and rednecks. Trail of Tears and Dust Bowl. Coming from Oklahoma, most of them had been through enough hell on earth."

"Speaking of ...Any Indians up here?"
"See the guy down there with the pipe? Sequoyah. Next to him in gray is Stan Watie, and then there's Quanah Parker and Geronimo just to the left."

"What?  Watie fought for the Confederacy, and Parker and Geronimo, didn't they do some pretty bad things to white folks?"
"So. What makes you think white folks are special? Besides, God has a special place in his heart for rebels, those who go up against the vested interests. He loves their passion. Stop and think--most folks in your old world aren't white. Ever wonder who made it that way, and why?  You guys can ruin a neighborhood pretty quickly. All that  mixed blood is one of the reasons God loves Oklahoma, plus all the immigrants. He really identifies with illegal aliens--going all the way back to Abraham and the Jews."

"Uh, who's the guy with the rope, joking with the guy with the patch, and telling stories to the guy with the cigarette?"
"You are slow, aren't you? That's Will Rogers. Don't know what we'd do without his humor. God steals it all the time. And Wiley Post...he loves flying at this high altitude without oxygen."
"And the other guy?"
"John Steinbeck."
"But he's not an Okie."
"He's not?  How could he not be an Okie and write Grapes of Wrath?  He's an honorary Okie for sure."
"According to who?"
"Him."
"Who?"
"The Big Guy."
"Oh. And who's the guy with the guitar and cigarette?"
"That's Woody Guthrie."
"He was a Commie."
"Commie, smommie, mommie. I told you God like's rebels, and besides, God loves his music. Hums it all eternity long."
"Those two women?"
"Angie Debo and Clara Luper...again, it's the suffering thing."
"Who's the tall, stately, guy."
"Bud Wilkinson...always a gentleman...rare for college football coaches, though I hear God's reserved  a place for Eddie Sutton."
"Sutton? But he had all those problems...."
"'Problems'? You mean sins? Faults? You know anybody who doesn't have 'problems'?
"Uh, no, but ... "
"No 'buts' with God. About the only people I've heard Him get disgusted with are those who think they're holy, who refuse to associate with people who have 'problems,' as you call it."

"Any other politicians?"
"See the two short guys at the table over there? Carl Albert and Marion Opala. Those two white cowboy hats on the table? God's reserved that table for George and Donna Nigh--but that's about it for politicians."
"What about all those religious right politicians in the state?"
"Like I said,  that's about it for politicians."

"That's a scraggledy looking group over there."
"Just Okies, most of them you never heard of. Good people who lived through hard times and good, and tried to do their best. God likes Okies because so many of them are just friendly, down to earth --as you might say."

"That's quite a mixed  group over at that table. Who are they?"
"Oh, some small town newspaper people and journalism professors, among others--Ralph Sewell, Carter Bradley, Ned Hockman, Harry Heath, Ray Tassin, Larry Hammer..."
"What? Tassin? He was one of the most profane ... "
"So?"
"I mean taking God's name in vain..."
"Whoa! Don't ever say that to God, unless you want to make him really mad and cause a hurricane. Cussing isn't taking His name in vain. It's all those people--especially preachers and politicians--who quote God to make money or get elected or scam people or start wars in His name. That's taking His name in vain."
"Uh, that's not preached in churches."
"Of course not. You see any churches up here? Hear any doom and gloom sermons up here? Notice how happy people are up here? No coincidence."
"Ok, ok. Who's the tall guy with dark hair at that table?"
"That's Walt Radmilovich?"
"You let PR people in?"
"A few, but not TV weathermen."