Candidates, we are aware that previous
debate hosts have actually asked questions dealing with issues and obviously
not been aware of your flawless pasts.
Questioning your views without due
respect over your monumental statures is a clear sign of disrespect and a
misunderstanding of the First Amendment. We know your open-minded supporters and
yourselves clearly know the media roles are to be PR flacks to absolutely
promote your views.
No wonder you and they were so angry at
the upstart media for not fawning over you and taking everything you say as
Gospel. Fox is right, you should not have to put up with negative questioning
or questions about the issues.
For this last broadcast debate, we
present you the following questions for your approval ahead of time. If any of
these offend you, please let us know and we will profusely apologize and
- Brother, tell us how you love
- Your worshipfulness, explain your
wonderful plan to do away with taxes for the rich, and the awful minimum
wage, thereby stimulating the economy.
- Great one, why should Americans
vote for you?
- Righteous one, please talk about
your fantastic program to deport all immigrants and restore American purity.
- Financial genius, what how
would you cure the socialist Social Security and Medicare?
- Oh Holy One, please tell us
about your Godly ideas of how you would restore religion to every home.
- Reverent respecter of
life, refresh our memories of how you will stop abortion, increase
the death penalty, and increase the bombing of our foreign enemies.
- Highly successful executive and
wise stockholder in military contractors, shower us with your brilliant
ideas of putting all those international troublemakers in their places and
keeping them there.
- All: How will you save the country
from what we all know is the anti-Christian, pro-Muslim, evil,
socialistic, un-American dictatorship we have been subject to during